Stepbrother's Kiss

  Stepbrother’s Kiss

  By Penny Blake

  Chapter 1

  “Happy Engagement Blaze and Lisa!” declares the sign on the front door.

  It’s now or never, I tell myself as I take a deep breath and push it open. Let’s get this over with so you can go home, put on sweatpants and cry into your ice cream.

  I walk into the party and as if a record scratches, all eyes turn to me, the same look of surprise on everyone’s face.

  “I didn’t think she’d come,” someone whispers.

  “How long’s it been? Nine years?” someone whispers back.

  “At least,” is the reply. “Probably more than that.”

  Ignoring the attention, I wave casually and go in search of Mirabeth, the old friend who invited me here. And because the universe hates me, that’s precisely when I collide with a broad chest wearing a finely tailored black suit jacket.

  I don’t have to look up to know who it is. I’d know him anywhere by the feel of his arms and his broad chest, the rhythm of his breathing, and the restless male energy radiating from him.

  . Blaze. My first love. The one man I’ll never, ever have.

  Ten years earlier…

  My mom and my stepdad were having one of their drunken brawls. This one was epic, even by their standards, probably on account of it being Christmas Eve. The holidays always brought out the worst in them.

  No one would ever guess that the Everly’s, the perfect family who lived in the biggest house on the best block in town, members of the country club with enviable good looks and powerful social connections, were wildly dysfunctional drunks.

  There was a crash and the wall shook. “And the next time you fuck your secretary,” my mom screamed. “Don’t buy her lingerie from our checking account, you pencil dicked pile of shit!”

  Ugh. I buried my head under my pillow, not wanting to hear any more about my step father’s private parts.

  “What does it matter, Madeline?” my stepfather bellowed. “Your old twat is dried up anyway. You just want me to be as miserable as you, and I refuse! Do you understand? I refuse!”

  I threw my pillow at the wall, pushing myself out of bed and plodding out of the room. A moment later, I knocked softly on my stepbrother’s door. He didn’t reply, and a glance under the door told me that his light was off. I figured he was sleeping but I didn’t want to go back to my room.

  I cracked open his door and peeked in, just in time to see a frantic pumping motion under his blanket, which stopped abruptly a second later when he saw me at the door. I froze, surprised and confused.

  “Jess, is that you?” Blaze asked softly. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m sorry to bother you.” There was a quiver in my voice I hadn’t expected. “I just…they were fighting, and—“

  “Yeah, they’re really going at it tonight,” he said.

  “I hate Christmas,” I said. “They do this every year.”

  “They do this every week,” he said. As always, the deep rumble of his voice put me at ease.

  “I can’t stand them sometimes,” I said, walking in and joining him under the covers. I was careful to keep a safe distance between us in case he’d been doing what I thought he was doing when I walked in, but didn’t want to think about.

  I was only a sophomore in high school, but I wasn’t completely innocent. I had two close friends who’d already lost their virginity, and they filled me in on the basic details of the male anatomy.

  I’d never seen an actual penis, but I knew what boys did. I understood from Blaze’s frantic motions under the covers that he was probably jerking off when I walked in. I just didn’t want to think about it because it was Blaze.

  “Make yourself comfortable,” he joked.

  “Sorry, I just can’t stand listening to them. Will you talk to me until they tire themselves out and go to sleep?”

  “Sure, what do you want to talk about?”

  “Hmmm. Well, at my last sleep over we talked about boys we liked.”

  “Not applicable.”

  “And we played truth or dare.”

  “I’m not playing truth or dare, Jess. Do I look like a teenage girl to you?”

  Blaze was a few months older than me and in the same grade, and there was nothing girlie about him. Last year he’d shot up to six feet tall, and he was still growing. And every time we went swimming, I couldn’t help but stare at the smattering of hair on his chest and the trail between his bellybutton and the top of his bathing suit.

  He was a natural athlete—on the football and basketball teams for as long as I could remember—so he had broad shoulders and thick, muscular arms.

  All my friends had crushes on him, but to me he was just Blaze. The guy my who lived in the house we’d all moved into when my mom married my stepfather three years ago. And the only normal, sane person in the house besides me.

  “Fine,” he said. “But I get to ask you first. Truth or dare?”

  “Truth,” I answered.

  He was quiet for a moment. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

  “Yes. Billy Chives in the back seat of the bus when we were on a class trip in fifth grade. And it was wet and gross.”

  “That doesn’t count! I mean…a real kiss. With a guy who’s been through puberty.”

  “That’s all I’ve got. I guess I’m still waiting for the right guy. Now your turn. Truth or dare?”

  “Dare,” he said.

  “I dare you to take off all your clothes underneath the covers. So you’re totally naked!”

  “I’m already naked, Jess. I sleep au naturale. Don’t you know that?”

  “Ew, you’re naked under there? Like, no underwear or anything?”

  “Totally commando. And I’ll have you know that Sophia Marcel has seen me naked, and she can verify that there’s nothing gross about me at all. In fact, I think she used the word ‘hung.’”

  “Sophia Marcel saw you naked? When?”

  “When we had sex at her house. Her parents aren’t home on Wednesdays, so I come over…and well, come over.”

  “Wow. So I guess if you pick truth when it’s your turn, I won’t waste my question asking if you’re a virgin.”

  “Yeah, that ship has sailed. Twenty eight times to be exact.”

  “Twenty eight times?!”

  “With Sophia, duh. Not twenty eight different girls. I don’t have that much game.”

  I laughed, then grew quiet. “What does it feel like to have sex?”

  “It’s the most amazing feeling in the world, Jess. It’s like…wow…it’s impossible to describe. You have to feel it for yourself to understand, but it’s...it’s awesome.”

  I folded my hands on my stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “I’ve always wondered what a…nevermind.”

  “What?”

  “What a guy’s…you know, private parts look like.”

  “You mean a dick?”

  “Yeah. I’ve never seen one, and some of my friends have, so I just wonder, that’s all.”

  Blaze was quiet for a long time, and I tried not to think about how hot and swollen my own parts had started to feel, and the odd wet sensation blossoming between my legs.

  There’d been times when I was alone that I’d feel around down there and stroke myself with my fingers, and it always felt good. But this was the first time I’d ever felt so…awake down there.

  We laid in comfortable silence, and soon I felt Blaze put his hand over mine, guiding it to his side of the bed. And that’s when I felt it.

  Impossibly long and hard, smoother than silk. Slightly furred at the base, and so thick my fingers couldn’t reach all the way around it. I slowly glided my hand upward and carefully felt the smooth ridge around its head, the slightest
bit of slick moisture at the very top.

  “Can I see it?” I whispered, surprised by the husky quality of my own voice.

  “Okay,” he said in a husky whisper of his own. Then he slowly lowered the blankets. The lights were out, but my eyes had adjusted to the darkness. In the moonlight from the window above the bed, I took him in.

  I stared at him for a long time, mesmerized by his tremendous length and size. Then I slowly touched him again, marveling at the feel of silky skin over an impossibly hard rod. His hips lifted as I stroked, and he leaned his head back on the pillow, breathing hard, as if he’d just run a mile.

  As I stroked my hand over his flesh, I felt the heat between my own legs intensifying. I pressed my thighs together to relieve the ache, and felt even more wetness there. I moved my hand down to see what was happening, and suddenly Blaze was on top of me, pinning me to the mattress.

  His lips were on mine, kissing me gently but firmly. His tongue slipped past my lips, coaxing my own to tangle with his.

  I loved the warm weight of him on top of me, but I wanted more.

  I wrapped my legs around him, feeling this hard shaft press against my aching sex.

  He groaned and pulled away.

  “We can’t…I can’t.” he murmured against my lips. I thought he was going to pull away, and I didn’t think I could bear it if he did, but instead he pressed his fingers down my underwear, and slowly explored my flesh.

  I thought I would die from the exquisite pain-pleasure as his fingers glided up and down the seam of my sex, then slowly parted the lips. His fingertip explored my opening, barely dipping inside. “You’re tight, and you’re a virgin. We can’t do anything else.”

  And then he was gone, off the bed all together. He pulled a robe off the chair and put it on. “I’m sorry, Jess. That was…I don’t know what just happened. I think you should leave now.”

  I could barely think, could barely breathe. My whole body was an aching mass of need, and what I needed was him. Giving me more. Taking away my hunger.

  I couldn’t just leave.

  I reached up and pulled my nightshirt over my head, exposing my swelling breasts and the hard peaks of my nipples. I wore nothing but my white cotton panties, and his lips parted as he watched me take them off in the moonlight, baring myself to him completely.

  His fingers were on me again, inside me, working me gently. I heard a loud mewling noise and then Blaze said, “Shh,” and I realized the sound had come from me.

  He sat on the edge of the bed with my legs parted wide before him. He looked at me reverently in the moonlight, sliding his fingers in and out of me. Caressing my secret passage. Tenderly exploring my most hidden parts and making my whole body thrum with the most delicious heat.

  He lowered his mouth to my neck, kissing a slow trail down my breasts. Then his tongue was gently stroking my nipples while his fingers continued their intimate dance below.

  I felt like time was suspended as the blissful sensations washed over me in slow, glorious waves. The wet lapping sounds of his mouth on my nipples and his hand gliding over my hungry flesh kindled my desire brighter.

  Then the heat and hunger that had been blooming felt like it was about to explode. There was something bright and magnificent hovering just out of reach. And then his fingers circled me once more, and I felt myself combust, every nerve in my body bursting into pinpricks of color and light.

  I heard Blaze say, “Shh.” I realized that I’d been moaning and thrashing, and I stilled my limbs. Caught my breath.

  Then he was on top of me again, but this time he was stroking my hair, kissing my forehead, nuzzling my neck.

  I lay there in a boneless heap, wanting to stay like this forever. Entwined with this beautiful guy. My Blaze.

  Then I looked into his eyes, and realization dawned. My senses came flooding back, filling me with shame.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I just…I can’t….I have to go” I pulled the covers around me, hiding my nakedness, and leapt off the bed.

  “Jess, wait.”

  I tore open the door and bounded down the hall. I hadn’t thought about my parents—they were the last thing on my mind—but they weren’t yelling anymore. I panicked, horrified that they’d heard something.

  Then I remembered that they were always far away in their own selfish alcoholic oblivion.

  They had no idea. But Blaze knew. And I knew.

  How will I ever look him in the eye again?

  Back in my room leaning against the bedroom door, I slid down the wood and landed on the carpet, wrapping myself in Blaze’s quilt. It smelled like him. Clean, musky and male. And even though I didn’t want it to, it brought me comfort.

  Chapter 2

  Present day…

  I sit next to a table filled with catered finger foods, the smell of bacon wrapped scallops and mini-quiches making me nauseous. Or maybe it’s watching Blaze and his gorgeous fiancé making small talk with partygoers that’s making me ill.

  About half the faces are familiar, people I knew years ago. The other half are strangers.

  They all mean nothing to me. I have no connection to any of these people, and I regret showing up. Mirabeth had asked me to come, and I’d been stupid to say yes.

  It’ll be good for you, honey, she said. It’s been a long time. Too long. Blaze would like to see you again. I would like to see you again.

  And so I agreed to come because I had no good excuse not to. And maybe, if I’m being honest with myself, it’s because I hoped that coming here would bring me closure. An end to a chapter of my life that was somehow the worse and the best part all rolled into one.

  But right now, it’s all getting to be too much. I feel tightness in my chest, making it hard to breath. I know it’s just nerves. Some fresh air might help, so I discreetly make my way to the sliding glass door that leads to the deck overlooking the lake.

  The air is cold, crisp. I’m not wearing a coat, but I welcome the way the icy air bites into my skin. I feel my heart rate coming down as I watch a group of birds fly in lazy circles over the lake.

  A noise from behind me interrupts my thoughts, and my breath hitches again as I watch Blaze making his way out the door with a tumbler of whisky in his hand.

  He looks as gorgeous as ever, with his piercing dark eyes, thick black hair and sculpted jaw line. He’s even taller than I remember, his shoulders broader. As he approaches, I have to tilt my head up to keep eye contact.

  “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he says. “You looked a little green in there.”

  “I’m fine,” I say. “It’s just strange to be here is all. I needed some air.”

  He’s staring at me so intensely that I have to look away. I realize then that the cold is starting to get to me, and I wrap my arms around myself. I feel him drape his suit jacket over my shoulders. Suddenly I’m enveloped in his smell, and I feel drunk in it.

  Drunk in him.

  “It’s good to see you again,” he says. “I hear you’ve been successful in New York. You work at a fashion magazine, right?”

  “Yes, I’ve never been very interested in fashion, but I can fake it enough to be a good graphic designer. I put together the layout of the magazine.”

  “That’s wonderful, though I always thought you’d be a painter.”

  Of course Blaze would remember how much I loved to paint. It was something I’d always been passionate about, and it may have been the one thing that saved me after our family had fallen apart.

  I’m still devoted to my painting, but I don’t talk about it much with my friends in New York. They’re mostly business types, and I’d be hurt if they were to view something so important to me as a silly hobby.

  “I still paint, but I need to pay the bills.” I shrug. “Congratulations on your engagement, by the way. Your fiancée seems nice.”

  He gives me a penetrating look that I can’t quite read, then puts a hand on the deck railing, resting it right next to mine. He’s so close I want
to take a step back, but I don’t want him to see how off balance he’s made me, so I stay where I am.

  “I’ve wanted to tell you something for a long time, Jess. I’m really sorry about everything that happened all those years ago. I look at what happened with you as one of the single greatest failures of my life—“

  I wave my hand dismissively. “Water under the bridge. It was so many years ago. Who even remembers what happened.”

  “I remember.” He reaches forward and tucks a strand of my red hair behind my ear. “I remember everything.”

  A moment ago, I wanted to take a step back to get away from him, but now I want to do the opposite. I want to close the distance between us and press my lips against his.

  If his smell and nearness are this intoxicating, even after all these years, then I wonder what it would feel like to touch my skin to his.

  “Well, I’ve got to get back to the guests,” he says. “But the next time I’m in New York on business, we should meet up. It’s really nice to see you again, Jess. You look great.”

  And then he’s gone, and I can breathe again. But one thing is clear. I can’t go back in there again.

  I slip around back, get into my car and drive away. My head is in a fog and my stomach is queasy with nerves.

  I text my Mirabeth when I reach the next town, explaining that I was sick and apologizing for leaving early.

  It’s only hours later when I’m riding the elevator up to my apartment that I realize I’m still wearing Blaze’s jacket.

  Chapter 3

  Ten years earlier…

  Blaze and I never spoke about what happened between us on Christmas Eve. After that night, we never spoke about anything at all.

  It was as if that night had broken something between us. The easy conversation was gone, replaced with uncomfortable silence.

  It was clear that Blaze couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me, and I was too mortified to bring up what had happened.

  And so we continued through high school like that, as virtual strangers living under the same roof.

  Then right before our senior year was about to begin, our parents’ accident changed everything.